Holding Grace & Equanimity As I Care For My Elders

Last year rocked my world.

My dad had a medical emergency while living in the Philippines and had ongoing health issues throughout the year…as in had-a-medical-emergency-and-ongoing-health-issues-and-then-moved-back-to-Canada-and-lived-with-me-and-my-partner-for-6-months kind of a situation.

A few months later, my mom almost died…as in, had-a-medical-emergency-abroad-and-couldn’t-breathe-on-the-plane-home-and-had-to-be-rushed-to-the-hospital-upon-landing-and-had-to-stay-there-for-weeks kind of almost died.

So yeah, last year rocked my world.

I navigated being one of my parents’ primary caregivers, and I felt unprepared and, truthfully, kind of terrified to take on this labour. It was tiring and scary and heavy and boring…and so much all at once.

It is important for me to say that while I felt/feel all of this, I also feel that it is an honour to care for my parents as they age and cross this new territory in their own lives. It is fulfilling and fascinating and nourishing and tender…and so much all at once.

While my parents are now (mostly) fine again, I caught and continue to catch glimpses of what our future holds. Every month, a new health issue seems to arise, and I am/we are reminded of our mortality and just how precious our time both together and apart really is.

My parents and titas and titos are all getting older, and I am grappling with both the seismic nature of this change and the ordinariness of it all.

It is rocking my world, and I know I am not the only one. Stories and questions about caring for our parents and elders in big and small ways are seeping into many of my everyday conversations with friends who are increasingly going through similar experiences.

Navigating Tensions with Grace & Equanimity

Why am I sharing this with you all? Because I know that for those of us who come from Black, Indigenous, and racialized communities, this experience comes with the added weight and tension of our collectivist cultures that prioritize care across generations, especially for our elderly, running up against the individualistic society we live in here in so-called “Canada” that has taught us to prioritize our individual lives above all else.*

I have watched over the years as my parents have cared for their parents and elders in intensely sacrificial ways. I watched them give so much of themselves without ever batting an eye. It is an example that has always made me anxious. It feels like an impossible bar.

I have also watched as the dominant culture around me in Canada sends its elders to seniors’ homes and treats them in alarmingly disposable ways. I watch them forget about these people without ever batting an eye. It is an example that has always confounded and angered me. It feels completely wrong.

Surely there must be a middle way?

This is a tension that feels so alive in my body these days, and it is a tension that I am trying my best to ride with grace and equanimity.

How do I hold my values of reciprocity while also making room for my independence?

How do I honour my parents and elders who have always cared for me so much, while also honouring my own needs, longings, and dreams?

How can I bring my elders more fully into my life while still protecting my own space?

How do I embody what it means to be a living hyphen as I care for my elders?

I am discovering pieces of the answers every day while also finding far more questions popping up.

As we move into 2026, I am yearning for more integration – to fuse these pieces together and answer some of these (or maybe ask even more) questions in community. I am, above all else, yearning for more ease and play and joyful delight.

I want it for myself. I want it for my parents and my titas and titos, and all our elders. I want it for you too. I want it for all of us, really. And so that’s what I’m planning for at Living Hyphen.

Offering Spaces For Creative Pause and Connection

In the spirit of lightness and ease, we only have a few program offerings at Living Hyphen this winter, but I’m hoping they provide the pause and connection you might be looking for this season. Here’s what we’ve got on our calendar:

Explore our winter 2026 programs

When I first started this journey, I was playing around with what this community might be called. As you’ve come to know us, I landed on “Living Hyphen,” and I once wrote that I loved this name because “We are exactly what the name suggests: living hyphens connecting people, places, and cultures. We are the living bridges bringing all of this complexity together in exploration, in tension, and in celebration.”

May we continue to do that in all the multifaceted dimensions of our lives.

In loving solidarity,

Justine Abigail

**I won’t even begin to get into the reality of an individualistic system that underpays and undervalues caregiving labour, that lacks the social infrastructure and support for elderly care, that designs our cities, housing, and workplaces in deeply ableist ways.